Monday, January 25, 2010


The other day my mom asked me if I was taking pictures of our "mess"....all the packing and what not that was going on here. I was appalled. "NOOOO!" I don't even want to look at it. In fact, there are rooms I close my eyes when I walk by. Well, when the third person asked about pictures I thought, maybe there is something I was missing.
So I went around the house and snapped a bunch of photos. And then I started laughing because I cannot believe what we are doing.....or the state in which I am living right now.

For the record, this is what my nest is looking like. And I would also like to add that this is about enough to make a very pregnant person go straight to the loony bin. I'm almost there, I tell you.

All this, while looking like this: (these were also requested)

So there you have it. All my pregnant friends who keep posting pictures of their beautiful nurseries and diaper stashes and freshly sewn and knitted baby items.....YOU AREN'T HELPING! :)
This is me. And this is my life today. And we'll just make the most of it won't we!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Single Digits

I am officially 31 weeks. Only 9 (or so) to go. That freaks me out a little on many different levels. On one hand, it feels so far away. I couldn't possibly continue growing and waddling and moving like an old woman for 9 more weeks. On the other hand, this is not nearly enough time. Too much to do, too many miles to travel, too many boxes to pack, move and unpack. Hmmm, 9 weeks. I feel like I haven't thought "baby" nearly enough.
In other single digits, Rand is leaving in 1 day...actually less, to Phoenix to find us a place to live and do a few other things in preparation for our arrival. This will be the first time he gets to make the house decision alone. Yikes!!! I'm just going to have to trust him to see things through my eyes! He will be gone for 5 days.
Once he returns we will have just 4 more days to finish things up here. The moving truck will begin to be loaded on the 27th. The 27th will also be Brendan's last "Perthes" appointment at DuPont Children's Hospital and my sister Rachel will be flying in to help load and drive. It's like deja vu to write about our trip west....except in reverse. This is still so weird to me.
I go back and forth between thinking about moving, packing, a new house, the baby and the church. This really is kind of ridiculous. Just the baby is enough. A church-plant is a big deal by itself. Plus throw in moving across the country and we have ourselves a serious recipe for stress. Honestly though, we seem to be getting by one day at a time pretty okay. I take lots of deep breaths and let things go constantly throughout the day. I've only broken down and cried a couple times....and that's usually after I smash my finger trying to dismantle something or something like that. :)
So pray for us! We are doing well, and have lots to look forward to, but a whole lot on our plates and all I really want to do is get settled, sew a couple baby carriers, order diapers and get ready for #3.
Soon, right?
9 more weeks.

Monday, January 11, 2010

In Someone Else's Words

I know it is no fun to click over to a blog and just find a link, but there is no better way to say what I want to say.

Holy Experience has proven to be one of my all time favorite blogs. I can't really read it daily because it is pretty heavy, but her poetic language and her perspective on finding the "holy" in the everyday speaks so deeply to me.

I recently read this post of hers about embarking on the new year and about failure and recovery and relaunching and I couldn't have said it better myself. A perfect allegory of "us" right now.

Read it here.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

2010--A New Adventure Begins

Ya know, I'm not really the adventure type. At least I thought not. And yet the past 10 years have been full of "adventure".....perhaps that is just marriage...or maybe just life in general.
I have spent a lot of my life seeking balance, consistency, simplicity. That's kind of how I like it. Predictable, pleasant, simple and easy. Fortunately, God made me extremely flexible and so with each curve ball, bump in the road, u-turn, (after throwing a couple internal fits), I usually bend and adapt and move on fairly easily.....searching again for predictability until I find it....even if just for a short while.

I really thought our move to Pennsylvania was the beginning of "settled-ness". The start of a calmer, easier road. And yet the year has been full of uncertainty and eventually ended in total chaos (from my perspective). I'm going to go ahead and blame it on pregnancy hormones, but I did not handle the news of this new upheaval well at all. Part of the problem was that Rand and I weren't on the same page and so our grief took us in different directions and apart (for a little while, at least). What did this mean? What will we do? Where will we go? Are we really doing this again? We had different answers to those questions and that made things much worse. After several days of irrational behavior, on my part (nothing crazy just a lot of crying and self-pity) we came back together and really started talking, understanding each other a little better.

We have spent countless hours trying to answer those questions. Weighing the pros and cons of our options, what we wanted, what was "wise", what was "safe" and what was "risky". Surprisingly, Rand was searching for "safe" and I was feeling strongly that now was the time for "risk" if ever there was going to be a time.

With full support and confidence in the complex, creative, totally capable fella I married, we have decided to move back to Phoenix and start a church from the ground up. We've done research galore, brainstormed, read articles, "spied" on other church-planters and gotten a clear sense that Rand is gifted for this work and now is the time! It is scary and risky and exciting and we are having to trust God like never before. But we do. And so we keep stepping forward....and we keep getting confirmed and I think we are starting to get over the shock and disappointment and starting to get excited and anxious. The kids are thrilled to move back to Phoenix, to be near family and lots of friends we left behind. And so am I.

So when is all this going to happen? Hang on to your seats. We should be there by the first week of February. We are done here for the most part....and heck, we have a baby coming. I have a friend helping us track down a place to live, an appointment already on the books with a new mid-wife (highly recommended by another friend) and baby gear to pick up in Kansas. If only I had a nickle for every time I've said, "I can't believe we are doing this," "I can't believe we are going back," "I'm never moving again."

Don't get me wrong I am still processing this whole thing. I am still sad about what has happened. I am still grieving the life I thought we were building here. But there comes a point when you really have to move take a deep breath and see what God has....because for us, for now, it isn't here. And so I keep redirecting my eyes from looking and gazing upon what I cannot have and instead slowly embracing the unknown, the uncertain. Right after we found out we were done here we sang a song in church that I have sung a hundred times before but this time really hit me over the head. It says, "He gives and takes away. He gives and takes away. My heart will choose to say, Blessed be your Name." I have thought of it so many times since. While I grieve what He takes away, I refuse to ignore what He gives. And if I've learned anything in the last three years it's that He takes away for a reason and if we stop asking why and look for what He gives instead, we realize it is better to cling to that rather than continue to grasp at what is not there and not for us.

The road ahead is going to be a challenge, but I am confident in our decision. Rand has spent a lot of time the last couple weeks building a website to be able to share his vision and what he is hoping to do. It's for all of you.
Please click the link and really take a look at what we are about to embark on. We need an army of ralliers behind us on this one!
2010-A New Adventure Begins.....

Liberti Church Vision-Casting Website