Ya know, I'm not really the adventure type. At least I thought not. And yet the past 10 years have been full of "adventure".....perhaps that is just marriage...or maybe just life in general.
I have spent a lot of my life seeking balance, consistency, simplicity. That's kind of how I like it. Predictable, pleasant, simple and easy. Fortunately, God made me extremely flexible and so with each curve ball, bump in the road, u-turn, (after throwing a couple internal fits), I usually bend and adapt and move on fairly easily.....searching again for predictability until I find it....even if just for a short while.
I really thought our move to Pennsylvania was the beginning of "settled-ness". The start of a calmer, easier road. And yet the year has been full of uncertainty and eventually ended in total chaos (from my perspective). I'm going to go ahead and blame it on pregnancy hormones, but I did not handle the news of this new upheaval well at all. Part of the problem was that Rand and I weren't on the same page and so our grief took us in different directions and apart (for a little while, at least). What did this mean? What will we do? Where will we go? Are we really doing this again? We had different answers to those questions and that made things much worse. After several days of irrational behavior, on my part (nothing crazy just a lot of crying and self-pity) we came back together and really started talking, understanding each other a little better.
We have spent countless hours trying to answer those questions. Weighing the pros and cons of our options, what we wanted, what was "wise", what was "safe" and what was "risky". Surprisingly, Rand was searching for "safe" and I was feeling strongly that now was the time for "risk" if ever there was going to be a time.
With full support and confidence in the complex, creative, totally capable fella I married, we have decided to move back to Phoenix and start a church from the ground up. We've done research galore, brainstormed, read articles, "spied" on other church-planters and gotten a clear sense that Rand is gifted for this work and now is the time! It is scary and risky and exciting and we are having to trust God like never before. But we do. And so we keep stepping forward....and we keep getting confirmed and I think we are starting to get over the shock and disappointment and starting to get excited and anxious. The kids are thrilled to move back to Phoenix, to be near family and lots of friends we left behind. And so am I.
So when is all this going to happen? Hang on to your seats. We should be there by the first week of February. We are done here for the most part....and heck, we have a baby coming. I have a friend helping us track down a place to live, an appointment already on the books with a new mid-wife (highly recommended by another friend) and baby gear to pick up in Kansas. If only I had a nickle for every time I've said, "I can't believe we are doing this," "I can't believe we are going back," "I'm never moving again."
Don't get me wrong I am still processing this whole thing. I am still sad about what has happened. I am still grieving the life I thought we were building here. But there comes a point when you really have to move on.....to take a deep breath and see what God has....because for us, for now, it isn't here. And so I keep redirecting my eyes from looking and gazing upon what I cannot have and instead slowly embracing the unknown, the uncertain. Right after we found out we were done here we sang a song in church that I have sung a hundred times before but this time really hit me over the head. It says, "He gives and takes away. He gives and takes away. My heart will choose to say, Blessed be your Name." I have thought of it so many times since. While I grieve what He takes away, I refuse to ignore what He gives. And if I've learned anything in the last three years it's that He takes away for a reason and if we stop asking why and look for what He gives instead, we realize it is better to cling to
that rather than continue to grasp at what is not there and not for us.
The road ahead is going to be a challenge, but I am confident in our decision. Rand has spent a lot of time the last couple weeks building a website to be able to share his vision and what he is hoping to do. It's for all of you.
Please click the link and really take a look at what we are about to embark on. We need an army of ralliers behind us on this one!
2010-A New Adventure Begins..... Liberti Church Vision-Casting Website
