I've been trying to write this in my head for a week and a half now and I'm afraid it's still rather a mess in my mind. Perhaps this post will help that. I have been unable to share on my blog what has been going on with us for quite a while, so I will do my best for those of you who are hearing about all this for the first time.
For months now we have been aware that there are financial issues at our church. Clearly, the church can't support 2 full time pastors. We've known there was a chance that we wouldn't be here long term. BUT, there was a hope that things would change and we would be. Rand has done an amazing job while here at GVF. I couldn't be more proud of him and we are sad that this ministry has come to an end. Being here only a little over a year we were just starting to feel like we were finding our niche; getting to know people deeper, loving our small group, finding things around us to do and be a part of on our own, etc. Add in a baby and some serious pregnancy hormones and you might be able to imagine a tad what this last week and a half has been like for me. I've really been a mess.....going through all sorts of waves of emotions and grief. I'm starting to feel a little bit better now, looking to the future and discerning what God has for us next.
SO WHAT IS NEXT?
The short answer, we don't know for sure yet. We have been praying and talking and processing like you would not believe. Life doesn't feel very normal right now. We honestly can't talk or think about much else right now. I wish I could give you more than that. We have some ideas about what our future may hold, but for now we are still waiting, and praying about where and what we should do. I will write more as things unfold and we have a clearer understanding of what it all means.
No matter what it is, I am still trying to wrap my mind around that this is happening. It is a really big deal and I hurt for broken expectations and hopes that we had coming here just one year ago. One blessing that I have is Rand. I have complete faith in him. He has done an amazing job taking care of us and providing and being a good example and a leader for the past 9+ years for our family. I know God has a plan for us and for some of those possibilities that are presenting themselves, I can honestly say I am excited. While my world may turn upside down we cling to Him who is a true Rock in our lives for hope and comfort. I'm scared, but I know I'm safe. I'm sad, but I still have joy. While there is grief, there is great excitement too.
Please pray for us. We are in the middle of some really, really big decisions. Things are becoming clearer, but there is still more information to be gathered and weighed before anything is for sure.
Anxious to share with you our new plan!
Sunday, December 13, 2009
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10 comments:
Lots of thoughts and prayers headed your way Kaylee. I know this can't be an easy time but like we were talking about, you have been in the right place at the right time and I have faith that He'll lead you there once again.
I love you and I'm praying for you.
Kaylee,
You and Rand have been brought great things to the church, including life. I hope you guys wont go to far, but I know that God has something in store for you both.
Kaylee,
I know these last few years have been such a roller coaster ride for all of you. I am continually amazed at your authenticity in your struggles and emotions and mostly at your amazing faith. I am sending you all big hugs! If you want to talk, pray, anything you need, just let me know. And remember, we in AZ will ALWAYS LOVE for you guys to come back! Give Rand our love, support, and encouragement. You are all in our prayers; Jake loves to pray for friends so I'll make sure to let him know to throw in a good word with God for you all;)
Love you tons!
Ash
I'm glad you can share what you have been going through. I wish I could selfishly keep you close by, but I know that I can't. I am excited to see how God grows you and blesses you and uses you to for His work. Wish I could see that firsthand.
Kelly
So glad you can share what's on your heart, Kaylee. I can only imagine how hard the past few weeks have been. Just want you to know we are deeply saddened to see you go and that you are in our prayers. I have enjoyed getting to know you better these past few months and know that you and Rand will be an incredible blessing wherever He sends you next!
You might think I am crazy but go fishing, I always do my best processing while fishing. If fishing is not for you then find that place or activity that helps get you centered and in tune with God, the path will be cleared for you. If you need anything let me know. I mean it.
Uncle Bubba
Kaylee, I don't feel like I have the "right" words to say, but - just know that we care very deeply for you guys and want God's best for you and are praying for you. I know God will use you both no matter where He leads you. But you will be greatly missed :(
Oh friend.
This is not an easy time. That I know. The idea of leaving, hearing, and obeying what you are called to do is not a cake walk.
In all the times we have moved from city to city, house to house, the only thing constant has been the love for our family and the love for God to do his will. Even if it is unexpected.
Love you Kay.
Kaylee and Rand...
Using my moxie here, GVF... BIG MISTAKE, and shows to us a lack of faith and trust that God provides - too much emphasis on numbers and not enough on risk taking for the Gospel reaching lost souls - too much comfortability! Rand took risks for the Kingdom and we prayed for your family before you arrived, just so you know and you guys totally fulfilled a desperate need, LIFE in the church, I pray that stays true!!! I think this is so PREMATURE, no matter what excuses I'm hearing from the board and others. We are and have always been with you guys... you were total vessels by God, so awesome!
Coming from our own family whose personally been WAITING for God to send someone like Rand using his risk taking for the Gospel has been such a blessing indeed - for our kids too! It's so sad to hear this from our church. Kaylee... your strength in meekness and faith has been truly admirable, what a pleasure to know you sister :)
With all of that said, God always has a bigger plan for each of our lives and I believe there is strength in weakness, especially when we have questions or doubts about our lives and what happens to them. Sometimes Christians/churches make mistakes, poor decisions and people get hurt in the mix of it because of sin, but we can forgive and move on and let God reveal His power & justice.
Much love to you and your family, I know you're not leaving right away, but our door is always open and its been such a blessing to know each of you, please keep in touch, the dust will settle and all will be well. Hope you're feeling much better with your pregnancy. HUGS to you all!!!!
From reading the comments I can see that both you and Rand are greatly loved and respected. I agree with Nicole. I think you church is making a big mistake. But fortunately for somebody else it's going to be a GREAT Blessing!!
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