This morning I woke up singing one of our "funeral songs" (Somebody's Crying-Chris Isaak). Makes me wonder what I was dreaming about. I got up at 5 and got on the computer. I quickly saw a picture of Willie that made my stomach drop to my feet. Sometimes I can't stand to look at him or hear the music or allow my thoughts to sit and think on him. It's too awful.
Aside from that constant fight....I have some things I'm really excited about. First and foremost, my sisters are coming. Joanna left for Cancun this morning and she's stopping to stay with me for a week on her way back. Rachel is coming shortly after and hopefully we will all be together for part of the time. I can't wait to see them!!! I hope we have time to just lay by the pool and breathe.
Another thing I'm excited about is, I think we have a house! We have searched and searched. I have probably looked at 50 houses. We started looking at new home builds last weekend. That would give our house more time to sell, AND all the builders are offering such great incentives right now. I think we've found one (it's not for sure yet! Everything "Lord willing"), but we are going through the steps. It's ours as long as this other lender says, "sure, we'll loan you a huge sum of money!" I won't go into detail about the house until later. I don't want to get totally disappointed. BUT, it is something that brings a little light into my world.
Another good thing: Rand's new job.....our new church... is going really good. I haven't written much about it, and still, I have to be careful because I don't want to offend anyone. The church, as we came in, was dying. They had plenty of reserve to survive on for a couple of years, but attendance was pretty low.....like 20 people on any given Sunday. And the music was not exactly something I enjoyed. Anyway, Rand was brought on to bring some major changes. The key leaders in the church were looking for someone who could come in with vision, a plan and the willingness to implement change to help grow the church. Well, this is the kind of project Rand LOVES. He is great at projects! So far, on the inside, not a lot of changes are visible yet.....but they are coming! There's going to be new music, new programs (for the kids), new lighting, new website, new backdrops....probably a new name. A completely new look and feel. Something fresh that will attract new people and outreach to the surrounding area.
I'm pretty excited about being a part of this church. I think it's going to be really cool! With as hard as the last couple of months have been for me, this church thing, for Rand, is going so well. Things for Rand and I, the last couple of years have been so hard. Nothing has been easy...especially for him. It's felt like a fight to figure out exactly what he should be doing. He tries something, and it just doesn't work. But this, this is going so well. Everyone he talks to sees his vision and wants to be involved. Except for a few individuals in the church who really don't want change (to be expected) complete strangers are coming in and saying, "Hey, I think I like the sounds of this. How can I help?"
Some days I don't want there to be anything good. I guess more accurately, some days even the good feels bad in light of what has happened. But some days, the good things are what I hold on to. They are the things that show me the glimmer of light at the end of a dark tunnel. They are the things that prove to me that God is not out to get me and that he really does care.
Today I'm grateful for things to be happy about.