Tuesday, January 5, 2010

2010--A New Adventure Begins

Ya know, I'm not really the adventure type. At least I thought not. And yet the past 10 years have been full of "adventure".....perhaps that is just marriage...or maybe just life in general.
I have spent a lot of my life seeking balance, consistency, simplicity. That's kind of how I like it. Predictable, pleasant, simple and easy. Fortunately, God made me extremely flexible and so with each curve ball, bump in the road, u-turn, (after throwing a couple internal fits), I usually bend and adapt and move on fairly easily.....searching again for predictability until I find it....even if just for a short while.

I really thought our move to Pennsylvania was the beginning of "settled-ness". The start of a calmer, easier road. And yet the year has been full of uncertainty and eventually ended in total chaos (from my perspective). I'm going to go ahead and blame it on pregnancy hormones, but I did not handle the news of this new upheaval well at all. Part of the problem was that Rand and I weren't on the same page and so our grief took us in different directions and apart (for a little while, at least). What did this mean? What will we do? Where will we go? Are we really doing this again? We had different answers to those questions and that made things much worse. After several days of irrational behavior, on my part (nothing crazy just a lot of crying and self-pity) we came back together and really started talking, understanding each other a little better.

We have spent countless hours trying to answer those questions. Weighing the pros and cons of our options, what we wanted, what was "wise", what was "safe" and what was "risky". Surprisingly, Rand was searching for "safe" and I was feeling strongly that now was the time for "risk" if ever there was going to be a time.

With full support and confidence in the complex, creative, totally capable fella I married, we have decided to move back to Phoenix and start a church from the ground up. We've done research galore, brainstormed, read articles, "spied" on other church-planters and gotten a clear sense that Rand is gifted for this work and now is the time! It is scary and risky and exciting and we are having to trust God like never before. But we do. And so we keep stepping forward....and we keep getting confirmed and I think we are starting to get over the shock and disappointment and starting to get excited and anxious. The kids are thrilled to move back to Phoenix, to be near family and lots of friends we left behind. And so am I.

So when is all this going to happen? Hang on to your seats. We should be there by the first week of February. We are done here for the most part....and heck, we have a baby coming. I have a friend helping us track down a place to live, an appointment already on the books with a new mid-wife (highly recommended by another friend) and baby gear to pick up in Kansas. If only I had a nickle for every time I've said, "I can't believe we are doing this," "I can't believe we are going back," "I'm never moving again."

Don't get me wrong I am still processing this whole thing. I am still sad about what has happened. I am still grieving the life I thought we were building here. But there comes a point when you really have to move on.....to take a deep breath and see what God has....because for us, for now, it isn't here. And so I keep redirecting my eyes from looking and gazing upon what I cannot have and instead slowly embracing the unknown, the uncertain. Right after we found out we were done here we sang a song in church that I have sung a hundred times before but this time really hit me over the head. It says, "He gives and takes away. He gives and takes away. My heart will choose to say, Blessed be your Name." I have thought of it so many times since. While I grieve what He takes away, I refuse to ignore what He gives. And if I've learned anything in the last three years it's that He takes away for a reason and if we stop asking why and look for what He gives instead, we realize it is better to cling to that rather than continue to grasp at what is not there and not for us.

The road ahead is going to be a challenge, but I am confident in our decision. Rand has spent a lot of time the last couple weeks building a website to be able to share his vision and what he is hoping to do. It's for all of you.
Please click the link and really take a look at what we are about to embark on. We need an army of ralliers behind us on this one!
2010-A New Adventure Begins.....

Liberti Church Vision-Casting Website


Nichole said...

Kaylee... it was so brave of you to post your honest feelings about this whole ordeal. (side note) It was so much fun hanging out with you guys again for some much needed laughter too!

Your post about that song, Blessed Be His Name ("He gives and takes away") funny, I think about that a lot too in my own life, but I too, find it to be true of your circumstances as you said. Glad you can rejoice in song! Your faith and strength in all of this during a pregnancy nonetheless, is remarkable girl! Rand is blessed to have you in his life. His site is awesome too, and we would like to gather some resources for you guys asap! God WILL provide a way... :) Hugs! You will be missed, unless we decide to take a long road trip with ya? lol maybe...

Kristi said...

He takes away for a reason and if we stop asking why and look for what He gives instead, we realize it is better to cling to that rather than continue to grasp at what is not there and not for us.

So, so true.

My thoughts and prayers are with you guys, once again, as you take on this wonderful new adventure!

Pam Ward said...

Kaylee, et al ... it will be good to have you closer, it will be good to be able to see you when we are in Arizona. You have become such a wonderful woman, wife, mother and niece (well, you always were a great niece! You are in our thoughts and prayers and perhaps we'll have a chance to see you before we head North again in April! Hugs to you, Rand and the kids ... Auntie Pam

Erin Lea said...

Kaylee you continue to surprise me with your positive attitude during these last few years which, to say the least, I know have not been easy for you or your family as a whole. I am so glad that you are all moving forward together and are able to focus on the good gifts God has given to you. Let's face it you (especially in a prego state) are aloud to have some "poor me" days with all of those huge life altering decisions you are making. My mom refers to them as life crises; you know how she is :). It feels good to cry sometimes, right? All of those emotions are what make you the great, caring woman that you are. I miss you and hope to get to see you more as you head back to Az. Also, love your family photo. You look beautiful as always. Good luck with the move and all the adventures that lay ahead.

Anonymous said...

I am sitting here now with tears running down my face. The website Rand put together is so awesome and it makes me so proud of both of you. To see you stepping out in faith like this is amazing. I love you all so much and keep praying that I can get down there this spring somehow. I would love to sit in the front row and listen to Rand preach. Forever your Great Marshmellow

Anonymous said...

I haven't been to your blog in far too long. I've kept up on your 'adventure' through Joanna and have been praying for you and Rand. Today I was compelled to pray for you and then to go to your blog and see what you may have written about 'life' these days....I am so blessed, once again by your keen ability to write from your heart.
I am so proud of both you and Rand for your courage and your fortitude in grabbing hold of The Father's hand and stepping out in faith to follow him.
I will keep you in my prayers asking that the Lord guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus and that you may not lean on your own understanding, but in all your ways to acknowledge Him as he directs your path.

I love you~

Anonymous said...

I think that you should move to Alaska or Montana, they need churches much more than Arizona. The fishing is much better as well.
Uncle Bubba

Krista said...


You don't hear from me often, but I understand your fear & excitement. Yancy & I move 11 times in our 1st 10 year together; sometimes a couple miles, but there have been a few big moves too. I always found my strongest center was in my relationship with Yancy. With us together we could conquer any daunting task/adventure!

You come from a strong family & strong faith. You & your family will handle this move well! Along with your faith in God & yourself, never forget how strong your bond is with your husband. You & Rand can accomplish anything, as long as you do it together.

Find the hapiness & excitement within each other & let your faith in God handle the fear.

Be healthy & be happy cousin. This is an exciting time for you & your family! Make it fun & memorable. There are lots of beautiful things to experience & witness along the way, especially with your husband at your side! :)