Wednesday, November 10, 2010

A "Real Life" Post

Blogging has been hard lately. So much has happened since we moved here and as a result of why we moved here and I have kept it private because I didn't know how to share it or if I wanted to share it. But a couple things have brought me back here searching through my archives, reading old posts, and looking at old pictures and I was reminded that my life, the last three and a half years have been documented here. And I'm glad about that. Not necessarily for readers or friends or even family, but for me. Because it really is nothing more than just my story. While I'm not a super "open", easy-sharer, I am also not a pretender, hider of the truth, life is bliss even when it's not..kind of person.

I'm only going to pick up from my last update. Remember there was a thing....a church plant? And then there was my wonderful husband needing to work 60+ hours a week to provide for us and yet needing all those hours for the church? And then remember there was a God-send...another church planter who wanted to work together? And we did! And yet Rand still had to work so much and there was really no support that would help us to move out of that. And then the other church planter just up and said he was wrong. He didn't want to work with Rand in that way. That we were welcome still to be a part of his church, but we would no longer be "partners" if you will. All this news was the day before we went to Washington this summer. What would we do? Now what? Why did we come here? We were a little down and feeling the need to simplify and just keep plugging along, not making any major decisions but rolling with the ones that were made for us. And that's what we've been doing. A few have asked about the church, but only a few. There isn't one, at least not a new one. And for now we are laying low in that regard.

So Rand came back from vacation and left me and the kids there for more summer fun. He worked and worked and worked.  We played. He called me the day before the kids and I were heading home. "Guess what, Hon? I just got a letter in the mail saying that this house we are renting...the one we are supposed to be settled in until at least going to auction. That basically means that our landlords haven't been paying the mortgage and are losing the house."

So again we found ourselves in that all too familiar place. THRUST into change...major change. Should we stay, should we go? Where? We just moved here...again! Just stay here and see what happens? Take action and make sure we have a  place to live after November? Keep this job...this great/horrible job? Buy, rent, move across the country and get the Ph.D? Ministry? Funeral Service? What is God trying to teach us that we haven't seemed to have learned yet? Why is everything so hard? Why can't we catch a break???

It's been a journey the last few months (um, I mean years). For the sake of our hearts and our kids, and stability and simplicity we decided to just keep doing what we are doing. Rand works a lot. But he enjoys his job for the most part and is blessed to have the opportunity to work pretty much as much overtime as he wants/needs. We looked at renting again, and we looked into buying. We didn't want to get 2 weeks notice after the auction that we had to leave...because that was a possibility we decided to get moving on finding a new place to live. Turns out buying was a better option for us financially. And it's all gone relatively smoothly (a first for us since all this moving started almost 4 years ago).

We should have a new house in less than 2 weeks. I have mixed emotions. Just when I start to panic that this is not what I want, that Phoenix is too hot and life just isn't turning out the way I imagined, I am reminded I'm on a journey...and I haven't arrived yet. We are happy and together and this part of our journey looks like this and I can enjoy the ride, and this is the next right thing to do for us right now.

I had an interesting conversation with the kids one day...and the lesson I think was more for me. They were asking lots of "why" questions of God. Why did God let me get hurt? Why would God let us lose our soccer game? Stuff like that. It's exhausting answering those questions for them! So I stopped. It's also exhausting just asking those questions. I should know. I've asked a thousand why's. So I told the kids that "why" is the wrong question. The answer to "why" isn't even really what they want or need. They pondered. So did I. "How about we ask God, 'what', instead. 'What' am I supposed to learn right now since this happened? What do you think God wanted us to learn having to stop at this red light when we really needed it to be green since we are SO almost out of gas?" You know, they came up with really awesome answers! "Maybe God wants us to learn patience." "Maybe God wants us to trust Him more." "Maybe someone else needed the green light more than we did." The boys came up with those! And I can't even tell you how many times (a day) I think about that and use that little lesson in my own life.
Why did we move here? Why hasn't the church worked out? Why didn't Pennsylvania work out? Why do we have to move again? Why do I have to miss my brother so much right now? Why do I live so far away from my sisters and other brother? Why can't Nana and Papa be right down the road? Wrong question!
What are we learning? What am I learning?
A lot. Even some of those simple (yet profound) answers the kids gave about getting stopped at a red light.

So now that all that is out in the my chest...I expect blogging to be a little bit easier. There will be pictures of the insane mess that is my house right now. There will be another U-haul truck (can you believe that!?). There will be a new house and a great yard and maybe some new things for chickens and such! :)

The journey continues.
"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matt. 11:29-30


Anonymous said...

I, for one, think you and Rand are an inspiration when it comes to trusting in God and each other. Enjoying the journey is so important. Our society tells us we are supposed to "be" something or "get somewhere", when we already have and "are" everything in Jesus. Joyful packing!! Love Maureen

Bekki said...

Looking forward to seeing pictures of your new house and all the plans you have for it! Thank you for this reminder today in your post. It's so easy to get caught up in the whys. I must remember the what. :)
P.S.: David has applied for another job.

Ann Voskamp @Holy Experience said...

Your bravery to be real girds us all.

*Thank you*

All's grace,

The Raudenbush Family said...

Big hugs to you, Kaylee. So glad you shared all this.

Anonymous said...

I always go fishing to clear my head so that I can ask the "What".

Uncle Bubba

Jayden says, "[pqdl;[wpq[3gjƩfkdodpj"

williammccomb said...

Kaylee - you are so well though out. You have given me something (many things)to consider. Love your perserverance and the desire to do God's will. To look at what God's will really is for us. You truly inspire me and I'm sure many others around you. Love you. Dad