Things to Write About

I refuse to call this "Wagner Family Update" because I think too many of you would know what kind of a post this was going to be.  Well, now you know anyway. :)

I find it really hard to blog about anything when big things are happening that I have yet to blog about. I am not a "must blog about EVERYTHING person", but this blog has been a great record keeper of my last 4+ years and I love that about it.

So what I am about to write is just the truth. I can't change it or change us or change the path God has us on or turn us into a family that we aren't. This is us...and these are the kinds of things that just happen...no matter how much we strive for "normal" and "settled" and probably a little too much of what we think others think we should be. I'm not going to call it "bad" or "horrible" or boo hoo about having it hard. And I really don't want pity or attention or a whole bunch of "Oh my gosh, can't you guys catch a break" kind of comments. In fact, to clarify: we are happy and have lots and lots of great things happening as well as some things that aren't so fun or great or all that lucky.

Rand's job. Let's start there, shall we? Rand really, really enjoys his job. He has worked there for about 16 months.  It isn't ideal, as he has to work quite a bit of overtime for us to be able to remain a one income family and still pay our bills. BUT, he has been so grateful to be able to basically get as much overtime as he wants, give or take (there are slow and busy times). His prayer for the last year and a half was simply to have favor at work. And God has more than answered that prayer. He has good relationships at work with his bosses and his co-workers. It's good.
About a month ago, however, we got word that the company was going to be switching to being a 24 hour facility no later than January which meant they would be adding a new shift...which meant that there would be no more overtime. There goes two-thirds of our pay check. There has been another open door in the job department, but it is only that so far (it will NOT require moving for those curious). We are praying hard for that open door to quickly transition into Rand's next venture and a new stability for our family. If there is one thing I've learned though, it's that God always provides and Rand always lands on his feet. I know we will be fine.

So moving on. On our camping trip we had some car trouble. On the way up we were overheating. Got to town, filled up on coolant and pretty much thought we were good to go. On the way home we were overheating again. The car went straight to the Nissan shop. They said we really needed a new radiator and a new thermostat and that it was going to be about $800 (at the time this sounded like a lot, but after everything that has transpired it doens't seem like that much). Ugh. Well we thought we ought to think about it because we know that in about 5 months we are going to need a new car (more about that later). They told us we would probably be fine driving it in town, but the long hauls weren't going to happen. Well that was fine with us. I don't go far anyway...and most of the time I'm home. Well it just wasn't running very good. We test drove a new car while we were there...thought about trading it in...decided on no (we are trying HARD not to borrow or go into debt for ANYTHING and it just didn't feel like the right thing to do). So I was driving the car to the store and it started overheating again and it was running real rough. I turned around and went home instead. Then, Rand and I were headed to the home school convention in it last weekend and basically didn't make it there. We had the car towed to our mechanic (not the Nissan place) and he told us we needed a new engine.....and that there weren't any engines in all of Arizona OR California, AND it was going to cost around $4,500 if that was all that needed replacing, AND he suggested we donate it to charity. WHAT??!!!! Well, it's over. It's done. Our family car is officially junked. So, (again, if you know us) we are down to Rand's trusty Snowball.
Side note: When I first met Rand I thought, 'what is that big (he was really muscly) guy doing driving that ridiculous little car?? And HOW on earth does that little thing actually have 4 doors?' We paid it off right after we got married and I prayed that soon we could move on to something else. That darn car is like the energizer bunny. It.Will.Not.Die! And it has been such a blessing. Granted I hate driving it and it is really on its last leg, and we really don't like putting our children in it, because it just doesn't seem safe, but I digress.
Rand's car is sounding bad. About a month ago one of his tires blew up in the driveway (Thank you LORD that didn't happen on the freeway, just moments before). We seriously considered selling it because it's about time. Not sure we want to put any money into it for tires and belts and whatever else it might need, it's just been sitting there. Believe it or not we've had about 4 different people knock on our door and ask if they can buy it. Fortunately, we haven't done that. For now, (as it has been in the past several times) it is our only car...assuming we can spend a little and get it fixed up and running.

So, as they say, when it rains it pours.

If you have managed to read all the way to this point (and you don't already know) you deserve to know that we are expecting baby #4 in January. Baby #4 is a whole other post, but it adds another element to our car dilemma (and job crisis), don't you think? Our family of 5 car wasn't going to fit us for long anyway, but we really weren't expecting it to get totally ruined either.

That's it (I think)! Now that I got that off my chest maybe I can move on to other things. Seriously, I've only cried about the car a hand full of times and the rest of the time I have a pretty good attitude about it. I know we are blessed. Losing our car is not the worst thing that could happen. It is inconvenient, yes, but we just don't want to take on a car payment (especially now with the job thing) ever if we can help it. And that requires us to live a little differently than maybe a lot of people would. I have no idea how this is going to work. Stay tuned, we'll find out together!

A "Real Life" Post

Blogging has been hard lately. So much has happened since we moved here and as a result of why we moved here and I have kept it private because I didn't know how to share it or if I wanted to share it. But a couple things have brought me back here searching through my archives, reading old posts, and looking at old pictures and I was reminded that my life, the last three and a half years have been documented here. And I'm glad about that. Not necessarily for readers or friends or even family, but for me. Because it really is nothing more than just my story. While I'm not a super "open", easy-sharer, I am also not a pretender, hider of the truth, life is bliss even when it's not..kind of person.

I'm only going to pick up from my last update. Remember there was a thing....a church plant? And then there was my wonderful husband needing to work 60+ hours a week to provide for us and yet needing all those hours for the church? And then remember there was a God-send...another church planter who wanted to work together? And we did! And yet Rand still had to work so much and there was really no support that would help us to move out of that. And then the other church planter just up and said he was wrong. He didn't want to work with Rand in that way. That we were welcome still to be a part of his church, but we would no longer be "partners" if you will. All this news was the day before we went to Washington this summer. What would we do? Now what? Why did we come here? We were a little down and feeling the need to simplify and just keep plugging along, not making any major decisions but rolling with the ones that were made for us. And that's what we've been doing. A few have asked about the church, but only a few. There isn't one, at least not a new one. And for now we are laying low in that regard.

So Rand came back from vacation and left me and the kids there for more summer fun. He worked and worked and worked.  We played. He called me the day before the kids and I were heading home. "Guess what, Hon? I just got a letter in the mail saying that this house we are renting...the one we are supposed to be settled in until at least March...is going to auction. That basically means that our landlords haven't been paying the mortgage and are losing the house."

So again we found ourselves in that all too familiar place. THRUST into change...major change. Should we stay, should we go? Where? We just moved here...again! Just stay here and see what happens? Take action and make sure we have a  place to live after November? Keep this job...this great/horrible job? Buy, rent, move across the country and get the Ph.D? Ministry? Funeral Service? What is God trying to teach us that we haven't seemed to have learned yet? Why is everything so hard? Why can't we catch a break???

It's been a journey the last few months (um, I mean years). For the sake of our hearts and our kids, and stability and simplicity we decided to just keep doing what we are doing. Rand works a lot. But he enjoys his job for the most part and is blessed to have the opportunity to work pretty much as much overtime as he wants/needs. We looked at renting again, and we looked into buying. We didn't want to get 2 weeks notice after the auction that we had to leave...because that was a possibility we decided to get moving on finding a new place to live. Turns out buying was a better option for us financially. And it's all gone relatively smoothly (a first for us since all this moving started almost 4 years ago).

We should have a new house in less than 2 weeks. I have mixed emotions. Just when I start to panic that this is not what I want, that Phoenix is too hot and life just isn't turning out the way I imagined, I am reminded I'm on a journey...and I haven't arrived yet. We are happy and together and this part of our journey looks like this and I can enjoy the ride, and this is the next right thing to do for us right now.

I had an interesting conversation with the kids one day...and the lesson I think was more for me. They were asking lots of "why" questions of God. Why did God let me get hurt? Why would God let us lose our soccer game? Stuff like that. It's exhausting answering those questions for them! So I stopped. It's also exhausting just asking those questions. I should know. I've asked a thousand why's. So I told the kids that "why" is the wrong question. The answer to "why" isn't even really what they want or need. They pondered. So did I. "How about we ask God, 'what', instead. 'What' am I supposed to learn right now since this happened? What do you think God wanted us to learn having to stop at this red light when we really needed it to be green since we are SO almost out of gas?" You know, they came up with really awesome answers! "Maybe God wants us to learn patience." "Maybe God wants us to trust Him more." "Maybe someone else needed the green light more than we did." The boys came up with those! And I can't even tell you how many times (a day) I think about that and use that little lesson in my own life.
Why did we move here? Why hasn't the church worked out? Why didn't Pennsylvania work out? Why do we have to move again? Why do I have to miss my brother so much right now? Why do I live so far away from my sisters and other brother? Why can't Nana and Papa be right down the road? Wrong question!
What are we learning? What am I learning?
A lot. Even some of those simple (yet profound) answers the kids gave about getting stopped at a red light.

So now that all that is out in the open...off my chest...I expect blogging to be a little bit easier. There will be pictures of the insane mess that is my house right now. There will be another U-haul truck (can you believe that!?). There will be a new house and a great yard and maybe some new things for us...like chickens and such! :)

The journey continues.
"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matt. 11:29-30