The Hard Part

This is the part I've been dreading. The goodbyes, and this week has been full of them. I don't think I can leave without writing about this part though....even though it's hard. My mind has been flooded with memories and thoughts of the past year and a half....17 months exactly tomorrow. I started this blog originally because I was moving away from home to Arizona. I was mostly not wanting to go. The blog was a way to keep family and hometown friends up to date with pictures and such. Ugh......I could go on and on about what happened next...and then after that...and then after that. All leading to this moment. All I know is that God knew what He was doing all along in bringing me here to Phoenix. I can't help but think this was just a short pitstop on the way to a bigger plan than we had originally thought. A pitstop to repair relationships between Rand and I and other family members. A pitstop to get to spend some time with Rand's family. A pitstop for the boys to totally bond with their grandpa. A pitstop for grieving and a place where friends from the past and a few new ones would help me do that. What are the chances that 3 good friends from college would be here to pick up the pieces of the "me" that would arrive after that dreadful drive from Washington to Phoenix.

I have the greatest friends. If I had to leave my best "sister" friends back home....this was the next best thing. Cody, Ashley and Beth. I met them my first day of my sophomore year at Biola. We all lived on the same floor. And for this last year, we all lived in Phoenix (except Ashley who spent most of it in Scotland, but I'm not counting that). It was the best. Looking back, it seems like every girls night with them turned into a bunch of crying as we relived all those first moments of when my brother died. I was so lucky to have them here. They practically carried me half the time. Always reaching out....even when I was locked in my "cave". I sometimes wonder if I am really ready to leave them. I guess God thinks I am.
Speaking of how great they are.....check out what they got me!
(Thank you Cody, Ashley, Beth and Amy!)

Can you believe that??? I am soo excited...and sooo incredibly grateful for everything. I love you girls so much and after a year like this last one I know for certain that our friendship will stretch to forever. I will never forget how you were there for me over these last 17 months.

Here we are with all our kiddos! (7 plus one on the way)

In addition to these three were several new friends who have also been important to me. Amy, Joann and I met at a mom's group I attended. An interesting mom's group, but ultimately played an important role in my life over the last year and a half. It was one little piece of "normal" that I seemed to have. Something consistent that kept me going. I wish I would have had more time with both these girls!
Amy and I (fellow homebirther, fellow Seattle lover...and fellow pastors wife!)
Joanne and I (Fellow griever..enough said!)

My next best friend, whom I must mention, is Marieelena. Met her at church and to tell you the truth we only went to the same church for just a little bit, but clicked immediately nonetheless. She moved right down the road from me and we quickly hit the pavement together, going for walks nearly everynight. We like to say it was for the exercise, but clearly it was for the hmmm...how should I say it....."venting"? How 'bout a Christian word....fellowship? No, that's not right. I guess it was just for the friendship. All that walking and talking quickly made us just like old friends. Sometimes we'd go a whole extra mile just because there was still too much to talk about. She's an east coast girl, so she has been more than encouraging about our move! She made me a beautiful "Willie"memory box for all my special Willie things that I will truly treasure. (Forgot to take a picture before I packed it! You'll have to see it later)

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I am really going to miss all my friends here. There are more I know I should mention, but I am afraid that I might bore everyone to tears. These girls, especially, have been my lifeline as I have navigated through the unfamiliar territory of grief. It's weird that I am talking so much about grief. It's not like the day to day involves so much thought about grief or even processing it consciously, but when I look back on this last year and a half...that's about all I see. A process, healing, growing, hurting....and these girls there. Even when it was just a "Hello. How was your week?" To me, it was "grief help". God was so good to bring me here and give me people to fill in holes that I didn't even know I had. I'm so sad to say goodbye, but so thankful to have spent this last year here.

I do not know when I will post again. The computer is getting unplugged and off we go!