Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Waiting

"But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not grow weary,
they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

We're needing prayers. The waiting is starting to feel hard. This is a tough place. We're waiting for God to give us our next mission. But we are also looking for a job, too. Does anyone see the conflict here? Sometimes that dichotomy seems difficult to mesh. It's ministry, it's a "job", it's both....

Here's where we are:
The church we flew out to in Philadelphia is still praying and will be in contact with us in the next few days for some more (info.?)...I'm not sure. Questions to answer I guess. I feel a little strange writing what I am about to write since anyone can read my blog and at least a couple people from this church have read it before. However, Rand and I loved this church and the people we met. From our end, we felt like the job was a good fit, the church was a good fit, the people were a good fit and even the town was a good fit. But this goes both ways, and all that doesn't mean, that from their end, we would be the best fit for them. Perhaps that is what they are still prayerfully considering and also what we continue to be in prayer about.

Another church in Minnesota that Rand interviewed with a while ago has indicated that they would like to talk again and then fly him/us out for an in-person interview. We certainly don't want to close any doors and if God provides another opening then we will follow it until a door must be closed, either by us or by them.

This is a complicated, long, kind of stressful process. It is such a big decision for a church to pluck the one, right person out of a pile of paper, hundreds of sheets deep, praying for God to guide them and help them choose the person that is best for them. For us, it is a test in faith, trust and patience.

The last few days my anxiety has been much higher. In fact, writing this I have to keep reminding myself to breathe. Take a deep breathe and relax in the fact that God has this under control. He knows our tomorrow and He knows our next job. Our understanding of it is so limited and not knowing the future is so hard.

Hmmm. I think I just realized why this is feeling so hard. I just re-read my paragraph up top about this ministry-job conflict thing. I was thinking about maybe cutting that part out. Not sure if people would necessarily get the difference. I was just thinking that maybe making the distinction in my own mind comes from a lack of trust. I think I truly trust God to put Rand into ministry. Ministry is God's business after all. I don't think I am fully trusting God to give us a "job". I know Rand can go out and get a job. I've said before that I fully trust him to provide for our family and take care of us. He is so capable. I don't know if I've allowed myself to trust God to give us a "job" to provide for our family. I know that he can...but will He? Does He want to? Are "jobs" His business??

Of course, asking these questions out loud, sort-a-speak, sounds silly. Of course God is going to provide us with a job, a job in ministry if He so wills. Of course "jobs" are his business. Our lives are His business. And taking care of us is His business. It just seemed like an interesting revelation I just had and I didn't even realise I was thinking like that.
Daily I re-trust God! And now, I guess I need to re-trust Him with more. Setting aside what I want, setting aside what I hope for and allowing the waves to take me in and out to the places the tide chooses (which God controls), trusting fully that He will not let me drown. He will let me live abundantly in His will.
(Another breath)

We need your prayers, if you will. Change will be coming soon out of necessity, but we still don't know where or what that will be. (That's the hard part for me....I'm ready to know.) But alas, we will wait on the Lord. Thanks for praying and waiting with us.

"But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not grow weary,
they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

4 comments:

McCombWagner said...

When I fall short of God's standard for my life and come to him broken seeking his mercy again, and again (which we know is always available). I find it amazing that in the midst of my repentance God gives me the "feeling" of being right with Him all while knowing when and how I will sin against him tomorrow or maybe even later that day. He knows me better than I know myself and yet nailed all my sin- past, present, and future, on His wonderful cross. How does this relate to your blog? Well, there seems to be only one thing that throws us off in life- our in ability to know what God knows- the future. Or at least our inability to remember that He knows it. That is why we have no other hope but to trust His goodness and grace to carry us through as we cast all of our cares at His feet and daily wait on the Lord to renew our strength. Thanks for sharing your heart. I love you, Rand

Anonymous said...

I am praying:
For timing, for His right thing, for patience, for health, for strength, for a deep breath, for a blessed marriage, for a smooth-ish relocation, for minimal impact on your kiddos, and (most of all) for your ability to hold up your family when you have no idea what will happen tomorrow. I love you, my sister in Christ and I pray that you can feel all of us holding you up in prayer but most of all that you can feel God grasping you hand leading you down a path that He has paved for you, Rand, and your babies. May you be blessed abundantly.

Anonymous said...

I think that you should go fishing(or wherever your happy place is)to ponder your questions. I always find it easier to open my mind and "see" what I am supposed to see when I am at ease and in my element. Just an opinion but I think Rand should start preaching on rivers, lakes, streams, what have you because it is a totally untapped minstry. There are literally millions of fishermen that don't know God and he could go around and discuss with them the principles and ideas that he knows so well. Heck he might learn somethings as well. I thought about doing that a long while back, but the only problem is that I would not be able to pull myself away from fishing long enough to discuss God's principles with anyone. I think Rand is the man for the job.
Uncle Bubba

Unknown said...

Hi again, Kaylee. Hang in there. We are praying for you and Rand personally.
K