Sunday, April 25, 2010

Out of Whack

Life feels totally out of whack these days. We are still trying to find our rhythm here. I always forget how long that takes...after you move....after a baby...after a new job. I have managed to keep up with school for the kids at least. I don't know how, but we're doing good there. I have a couple priorities besides caring for the newborn. One is washing the diapers, because we just can't go running out of those! And two, doing school. We're already behind enough after our long Christmas break and the break we took during our big transition. Holy moly it is hard to get much done besides that, though. Easton is now going on 5 weeks I'm feeling ready for some "normal". Easier said than done. I just don't do the whole, "let the baby cry while you go get things done" thing. Nope. I just nurse, and rock, and carry and hold all the live-long day. So things are getting a little hairy around here. I really need to vacuum, do dishes, dust, put away laundry, change the sheets, mop the tile, put away laundry, grocery shop, do the dishes, clean the bathrooms, put away laundry, run errands, plan dinners, spend more time with the big brothers, do dishes and put away laundry! It's a little overwhelming.
Rand's new job is going well. It is such an improvement! But, he works extra every night after the kids go to bed until about 1 in the morning. Today I went to my parents for the afternoon and dinner. Rand couldn't join us because he was "on call" after 8pm and had the call car and couldn't drive it out. I came home around 8 and he was gone. He called at 9 and said he was heading out on his 3rd call. What is this life? I really wonder sometimes what we are doing, where we are going, what is God teaching us?
Our house is a blessing...and a curse. Rand gets nervous when I complain. He tries to always keep a good perspective about the blessings God has given us...including a place to live. I'm grateful, honest, I just don't love it. The landlord is constantly here fixing things...usually the pool which is usable, but constantly broken. The wall colors and carpet are "not me" and I have no desire to try and change it. I told Rand yesterday, "I'm super thankful that we have a house...and functionally it works great (for the most part). But I look around and it just doesn't look like me and there's really nothing I can do (or am willing to do) to make it feel like our home." All a part of the transition, I guess?
Basically, we have a new baby we're still trying to get to know who has changed everything. A job that we just weren't expecting that barely pays the bills. A work schedule that leaves Rand gone more than we would like. And a house that we're still trying to make ours (or make work until next year). Things just feel a little out of whack.
I drove through our old neighborhood today on my way to my parents RV spot at Lake Pleasant. I went right past our old house...down the streets I used to walk with my friend, Marie-elena, almost every night. Right past the back wall that framed our little yard and fantastic firepit. It was so weird. I felt really, really weird driving through there. It could have been the case that we never left and I was just driving home and turning onto Plum Rd. right into our if no time had passed at all. Or it could have been the case that it was ages ago, and the kids I had there and the life we had before was long, long gone. I pointed it out to Wyatt. I don't think he recognized it. Ugh. I must be dealing with a bit of baby hormones because it seriously makes me feel totally depressed.
Please pray for us! Rand's heart is still for Liberti. It's hard to do anything but survive right now, though. Really, how do you plant a church AND work more than full time AND take care of your wife who won't do any house work because she insists on nursing the baby all day AND rough house with the 2 other boys who are being somewhat neglected by said mother (not really), AND, AND, AND....?
We're still in transition..and things are just a little out of whack!


Luke said...

Lord, I life of Kaylee and Co. Be with them through these changes and frustrations. Continue to provide and care for them. Give Rand the energy and stamina he needs to do his new job. Give wisdom where it is needed for the baby and all the other changes. Give grace and peace. Amen.

Hang in there!


The Raudenbush Family said...

(sigh) I can identify. I'm longing for some sense of whatever normal is for us nowadays. It will come.

Nichole said...

Kaylee... that was so transparent of you to share all of that. Maybe I could offer some words of encouragement to you for this new journey you're on.

First, you are fully equipped to mother all of your adorable boys, I applaud you like no other, I couldn't do the whole home school thing, all the while nurturing a baby! Give yourself a pat on the back and look up to God, He is sufficient and is able to get you through all of this, I assure you girl!

I'm sure Brenden and Wyatt would love to help around the house for ya too... don't overlook that, they can certainly help out, when your hands are full of babyness... It took my boys a couple of years to realize that when mommy is happy and helped, all the world is happy!!!

I will pray for you and Rand too! Keep in mind, this too shall pass -its a season of growth in so many ways, it'll be worth it all. :) I know easier said than done, BUT, change is good for all, you'll see. :)

Hugs from The Allen's

Anonymous said...

You need to relax, go fishing, pretend the pool is a lake.
Uncle Bubba

Krisy said...

praying for and loving you friend.